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NLP Practitioner Training: Working With Procrastination

Imagine you’re at a lunch buffet that offers you two choices: there’s a tray of frozen mystery stew (it looks cold and has a shriveled carrot on top); next to it is a beautifully presented tray of something you really love, cooked just the way you like it. Which one do you choose? Would you feel bad about making that choice? Would you accuse yourself of weakness?

No, of course not.

Our brains are designed this way. We always choose what is associated with the best feeling (or kinesthetic representation, K for short). If there was an “iron rule of NLP”, it would be this: our brain always and only chooses the best K (feeling) available from life’s menu at the moment. Whenever it doesn’t seem right, whenever someone chooses something that seems worse than something else, they still don’t. For example, soldiers may move toward danger and death because, among other things, doing it is better than not doing it – at that moment, in that situation, with those comrades, etc. In this example, the human system is choosing the least bad feeling , which, while not entirely positive, is still the best item on life’s menu at the moment.

From the Oxford English Dictionary:

put off until tomorrow, put off, refers to tomorrow

1. transl. Postpone for another day; put off from day to day; postpone, delay. Rarely now.

2. internal Postpone action, delay; to be protracted.

So, we usually think of procrastination as the act of delaying. It is “to delay” in the intransitive sense, “to put off action; procrastinate.” But I prefer the transitive meaning, which, while “rare now,” is more descriptive of what our brains are actually doing. A good transitive procrastination is actively moving something that seems unpleasant to us – that we don’t want to do – to a place in our perceived time/time where it is better for us, which of course is tomorrow! Transitional procrastination is our best way to make something that feels bad feel better! When we feel better, we are more willing to do it, which of course will be tomorrow. Also, good procrastination requires a great deal of inner creativity and initiative, as well as an excellent sense of timing. It’s not just a selective postponement of what we don’t want so we can tolerate the desire for it, it’s also an active, preferential choice of something we do want – at least at the level of what feels very good where we work.

Procrastination actions, both transitive and intransitive, are a wonderful demonstration of our survival-proven, evolution-certified, totally normal, totally elegant brain strategy to always choose the best available K. As a practitioner, this is the first thing to normalize for a client who procrastinate They are not infallible, lazy or bad people without willpower and self-discipline. Their brain is simply executing a strategy of choosing the best available K. If you are someone’s brain, and if we think about it in terms of an NLP strategy, this is what happens:

Step 1) Create the image/sound/smell/taste of what you “must do”

Step 2) Get an automatic negative representation of K (a bad feeling will occur)

Step 3) At the speed of light, sort through all the represented – and possible – other behaviors and experiences in the universe you engage in

Step 4) Choose one of the other possibilities, register (largely unconsciously) how it makes you feel

Step 5) Compare the first feeling with the second

Step 6) Choose the one that feels the best

Step 7) Prepare for a moderately fruitless internal moral and ethical conflict, but put that part of things aside as well.

How this happens in the real world boils down to this:

Step 1) Create tax fight photos

Step 2) Feel bad about yourself

Step 3) Take pictures and get the feeling of TV and pizza

Step 4) Choose a representative set that seems best right now (just once!)

Step 5) Mmmmm….pizza!

Step 6) Do what comes naturally

Step 7) Take note of all the time slots for paying your taxes and that you really deserve a vacation, mentally (and at the speed of light) prepare any other moral and ethical justifications as you heed the call of the couch.

Obviously, if the two options are taxes or TV and pizza, there will be no taxes unless you hate TV and pizza (in which case there is something wrong with you!) In the above example, TV and pizza were most likely represented in precise “chunk sizes” (time and effort required) plus precise submodalities (color, size of internal representation, brightness ….) designed to maximize our positive internal response. While the activities we think we should be doing are usually presented in too large a chunk size (all taxes are done, as are the returns for the last three years, and current accounting, we wrote a whole book, and cleaned out the house, including the basement and attic), so that we felt depressed just thinking about it. Or in too small a chunk size to get K of pleasure, achievement, or momentum when we visualize it (find one receipt, write one word, put one pen in a cup). In addition, other sub-modalities are used, designed to maximize frustration when we think about a task.

To make better choices for ourselves, we must

1) there is a choice,

2) note that we have a choice,

3) there is a way to evaluate the options included in the selection, and

4) there is a way to know that we have chosen what we want.

It’s a complicated thing, but the old NLP “strategies” make it pretty easy to work with.

If you walked into an IHOP and all the pages of the menu were taped together, you wouldn’t look past the first page offering the Waffle-Mega-Rama and Triple Cream Stuffed Pancakes. The procrastinator’s brain is essentially choosing from the same reduced, biased, poor, and manipulative menu. If the things she wants to do are even on the menu—a list of potential options—they’re written in fine print on taped pages, while the activities she’s been putting off are bolded and accompanied by glossy, eye-catching photos designed to whet her appetite. The brain doesn’t really have the ability to generate good feelings about small type objects. With glossy and attractive Waffle-Mega-Rama photo, you will always get the best K grade and choose it. Every time. (And yet we doubt ourselves, wondering why we don’t choose what we “should” choose and do, and instead spend our precious time taking courses to be better organized, more motivated, etc.)

The task of the transformational NLP practitioner is to intervene strategically (literally, working with “strategies”, in the NLP sense of the term) to have the client add the choices they would like to make to the menu and ask the client to present these new options in this way , so that the brain can notice them and generate a positive K signal that gives them high priority. In other words, the practitioner’s job is to help the client change the content, chunk size, and submodality of the representations that carry meaning about the choices he or she would like to have consciously available. When all of this is organized properly, the customer will automatically move towards the behavior and experience that he or she really wants.

If we can’t find positive feelings to move toward, our other option is to force our systems to generate negative feelings to let go of. One of the most rewarding things about negative K’s is that they feel bad. They should feel bad! What good are bad feelings if they don’t feel bad? Therefore, moving away from negativity or eliminating it is positive! Of course, creating ideas about external threats, bad consequences, etc., of not doing what we want to do, is a great and convenient way to create the necessary negative K. So, if not doing something worse (if internal ideas about failures are coded to cause discomfort or pain, to the right degree and at the right time), the brain eventually chooses the option that is less painful, which is also the one that is most positive. Perfect! However, it’s stressful to constantly manage negative K. While many of us are incredibly talented at it, over time it’s just bad for us.

So the art of working with procrastination is not to have the client learn to work through their pain and then choose something they still don’t like. This is “willpower”. Willpower can only work in the long run if we can also train ourselves to be good at using it. Otherwise, it’s an exercise in internal conflict, and even if we manage to defeat ourselves for a time, who exactly, who will win? People can destroy their connection with themselves and with life itself if they work hard enough to defeat themselves in their pursuit of self-respect and happiness. This can lead to believing what we call “The World’s Second Worst Belief,” which is some version of, “Well, at least I have enough self-respect to hate and despise myself.” This is bad business. It is expensive, destructive and unnecessary. It is an expression of despair that arises when we try to make self-defeat the way to success.

The reframing that is most often helpful in introducing a client to an area called strategic work is to continually point out that the brain is making the best choices, that it is not helpful to dwell on or solve the “procrastination problem,” but to notice how the brain is making choice The basic premise of NLP that we always make the best choices we can based on menu options and availability, so to speak, is an important thing to keep in mind.

NLP strategies are a form of behavior modification. They involve revising internal models of behavior called representations. However, by the time a client walks into a transformational NLP practitioner’s office with the pain of procrastination as their primary problem, the person will undoubtedly have spent years refining the beliefs about themselves and the world necessary to make procrastination meaningful. They probably spent years feeling like failed versions of their ideal selves. They are likely to believe the (more expensive) identity: “I’m a procrastinator.” So it’s likely that the job will end up involving a fair amount of personal conviction and revision. Revising virtual systems to support new behavioral changes is also helpful. (“What would I do or choose now if my thoughts and choices mattered?”)

That, however, is for another article.

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